Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Candid Confession Why I Can't Bake Cake For My 1st Blog Anniversary

It has been one year since I started this food blog. Many food bloggers would jump at this chance to bake a cake and throw a party but I can't :( I certainly have thought about it a few times, but I just can't. Maybe I'll do something like that for my second blog anniversary, if I'm still blogging then. It's sad when I think about it because being this dedicated to a blog for an entire year is remarkable and definitely worth celebrating.

I'm recovering from the common cold right now and I don't have much of an appetite. This alone is a good enough reason not to bake a cake. I'm sitting here typing this post up with fingerless wool gloves on, a blanket over my back, and hot green tea nearby. I am in no mood to bake. And that is actually a very good thing :) The main reason I can't celebrate my first blog anniversary with a cake is that I've put myself in boot camp. It's my own boot camp, under my own terms, but don't let that fool you because I can be very self-disciplined when I need to be.

I'm calling it boot camp but it's really just a diet and more exercise. Basically, I eat half of what I was eating and exercise twice as much. I also have to avoid certain foods altogether. Why? Sigh. Because it has gotten to the point where I have not only reached but have also maintained an undesirable weight for several months now. Okay, I'm fat and I can't take it anymore. My clothes are uncomfortably tight and I'm limited to just wearing a few things from my closet now. My appearance and health worries me and I can't help but feel embarrassed every time I try to dress up. But most importantly of all, I have acknowledged the fact that I indeed have an unhealthy addiction to sweets.

I'm disappointed in myself for giving in to sweets as much as I have but at the same time, I feel lucky that I'm not actually heavier. Let me tell you how bad it has gotten. Before March, for several months, I have been eating some form of sweets, whether it was bakes or candy, every single day. Every single day! My typical lunch would be a cupcake and cookie. If we had more leftover bakes, I would sometimes eat sweets several times a day. For example, a cookie after breakfast, then a cupcake or two for lunch, then another cookie and cupcake after dinner. Then there was chocolate and candy as well. I have probably ingested more fat and sugar in the past few months than I have had in the few years before I became a mom. I knew this got out of hand for a while but I didn't care. Now, I want to care.

I was never into sweets that much before a few years ago. That was also the time I started baking more. My only explanation was that I developed an addiction to sweets and bakes. It became part of my daily routine to have a cookie, piece of chocolate, or piece of cake. Of course, it doesn't help that we always had those things around, nor does it help that I could easily make any of those with our huge baking supply stash at home. Some times I wonder if being a food blogger also contributed to my weight gain. I know of another food blogger who had to go on a no-sugar diet due to health concerns.

I am more disciplined than that! I don't want to give up sweets entirely but I also don't want to develop diabetes, heart disease or something awful like that just because I can't control myself now. If you had asked me five years ago if it would ever be possible for me to be this heavy or to develop diabetes, I would have laughed and said no way! Never! I've lived a healthy lifestyle and maintained a good diet all my life. I played sports since I was a child and I'm even running marathons now. I don't even want to think about what I would be like if I was not running at all. It's funny how things can just change like that.

My boot camp will last for a month and then I will evaluate and take action from there. This was not a last minute decision. I pre-planned it for March to avoid the holidays interfering with my diet. Come Easter, I should be permitted to bake again :) In fact, the day before I started boot camp, I made myself my last sweet treat. Are you surprised? Lol. My 4 year old son LOVES Darth Vader and Star Wars and I love Oreos. They were just the things I needed :)

Darth Vader Oreos

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